If The Fates Allow

I am away.

Far away now from most of the things in this life I have come to love, to accept, to miss.

And that I do; I miss them all, deeply.

But this I chose, and this choice was hard, as most the greats tend to be.

Something inside of me though has always yearned for adventure, and that is where I currently find myself, both in terms of mind and of body.

This too happens to be something that I have come to love, to accept, to miss as well.

How couldn’t I?

Now you see where the contrast lies.

Life does that.

It never matches up.

Never offers everything at once.

Never allows you to find your stride in one without tripping you up with the other.

On one hand I want stable, I want unity, I want consistence.

On the other I want movement, I want differences, I want unexpected.

Currently I am experiencing the latter, and though I am enjoying it fully, currently I am yearning for the former.

So what to do?

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor Frankl

So then,

I will begin to both allow and to challenge myself to find the two within the same.

Within those and thats that my life has formed into my stables, I will find the movement, the differences, the unexpected.

Rather, I will allow them their opportunity to flourish within my life.

No longer block them.

No longer believe them not to be.

And,

Within those and thats where my life has provided my movement, I will find the stable, the unity, the consistence.

Rather, I will allow them their opportunity to grow within my life.

No longer stunt them.

No longer doubt their strength, their purpose.

And,

If the fates allow,

I will do this with those and thats that I have come to love, to accept, to miss.

This I hope they do allow.

And,

Since I am still here, this they do.

So,

One final effort before the sun sets.

If, of course, the fates do allow.

“The fun of talk is to explore…”

The next conversation you find yourself in, do me favor; explore, and have fun doing so.

How many times do we find ourselves a part of the typical, mundane, monotonous sharing of words, of which we all care very little of asking and of sharing, and even more so of hearing? No need to respond, for we all already know the answer. You ask this, I tell that, I ask that, you tell this, and so on. The thinking of it now makes me sick, depressed even, for that is where most of our breaths are wasted away. They have their place, this I know, but they do not deserve a grander lot when compared to the potential.

There is hope though, as there always is with any endeavor in which the mind, the body and the soul of a human are involved. The mere involvement does not guarantee the improved quality of experience, but the opportunity is always there, if those involved are willing and are courageous enough to delve and to act.

As Hemingway so simply, yet powerfully put it,”The fun of talk is to explore…“. So, let yourself do so, and allow the same for others involved. Ask for the answers you so deeply desire to learn, open the gates to those you have not yet even thought of, share the truths of your being and listen to the truths of others, all of which will inevitably appear in this exchange of words and of life, again if you and if all involved are willing.

Want to learn something of another, to a point of excruciating intellectual or primitive interest? Then ask the damn question, and do so with passion, with innocence and curiosity, and with life, and allow the conversation to go. Be courageous and confident enough to ask and to share, but even more so of the pair in your acquisition of response. Responses, yours or theirs, are not always what you dreamed them to be, but they are real, no matter their basis of truth or of origin, or to the degree of their reveal. However, the deeper the better.

Are you scared to do so? Good. You should be. You should be scared to the point of faint, to where consciousness approaches the fall, mere steps away from being lost. Feel it. Be afraid it, but join it, and share your words to the same extent in your response towards the expression of another, and give them the same. They deserve it, we all do.

Cautious to offend someone with question or with view? To hell with that, for taking offense only shows one has not yet accepted the harshness of the world, of reality; not yet ready to dance with, yet to even acknowledge, it’s toil, it’s strife. Offense taken to words shared, towards ideas expressed and thoughts revealed, of questions asked, symbolizes only one’s poor attempted defense of their own internal, an attempt to hide themselves from others, even more so from themselves. A cowardly act, but one I will acknowledge as common and as difficult, for the choice to do or to not is enough to debilitate even the strongest of us.

The truth? No matter what you say, someone will always take offense, and that is not within your control, so share and pursue anyway, of course again, if you and if all involved are willing and courageous enough to do so.

And if someone responds with malice? Confront it, don’t shy away. We are designed for the challenges of life, to confront them and to overcome them, be them physical or be them vocal. We are built for this, though even more, we yearn for this; for the confrontation of life and for the overcoming through expression of self.

And, what about the fun? Didn’t you mention it would be fun? Have your fun, explore the secrets of the mind, of the opposites, of the people you know nothing about, and of those for which you think you know much. The fun is in the exploration, so there truly is no limit, only that of what you set for yourself. Ask, share, try, fail, connect. Then? Ask, again. Share, again. Try, again. Fail, again. Connect, again. Then? Again. But, have your fun, for, “When you stop doing things for fun you might as well be dead.

The fun of talk is to explore…“, so do so, no matter the conversation’s nature. The mystery of the exchange had and of to come, where may it lead? One cannot truly tell, but this should not stop us, nor do I believe anyone would like for it to. There is no shame in this, nor should there be. We are all here together, experiencing the same world, though of varying context, of varying frame. Good. Intellectual, or that of a more primitive nature, approach the familiar and the uncharted with growing experience and innocent curiosity, and simply, explore, for, “You may talk. And I may listen. And miracles might happen.

To Each Their Own

I’m tired. However, and I realize this, I’m tired of all of which I know to be of my control, of my choice.

I’m tired of the comparison. Of comparing myself with others; their wants, their needs, their dreams and pursuits, their current lot and the futures they speak of, and so on. It’s not me, not at all, but its easy to. It’s also easy not to, if of course I choose against it. Similarities, they can exist, but the same? No, not at all. Remember, to each their own.

I’m tired of the doubt. Of doubting myself, my worth, my place, my acts, my thoughts. It’s old, it’s tiresome, it’s cruel, self imposed I know, but cruel the same. It’s not me, its my choice and I can stop this at any moment. To allow it to remain, to persist, how much of a fool can you be? Stop your pity, instead choose to try, choose to do, and then you will know. Remember, to each their own.

I’m tired of the confusion. Of confusing myself, of being confused by others, or rather, allowing myself to be confused by the pair; the words they say, the actions they take, and the same of mine; my words, my actions. Choose, choose now, then choose again, not to be confused and you won’t be. Confusion from curiosity, let it live, that’s fun, but confusion from your own allowance of both the internal and the ex-, let it pass you by — give it no mind. Remember, to each their own.

I’m tired of the hatred. Of the kind from others, but even more so of the self-loathing of my own partake. Do you enjoy the act of self-defeat? Of self-betrayal? The tearing down of your own being? Or the destruction of your own peace? No. Than enough, no more. Allow these thoughts to again pass you by, for they carry with them no real anchor, only the hope that you may offer harbor for their taking. Don’t. And of others hatred directed your way? Also, don’t the same. Choose, then choose again. Remember, to each their own.

Okay, enough of this. Who cares if I’m tired of anything, anyways? Typically not many, sometimes not a one. Maybe I’d be better off by simply not caring myself, not of just anything, but of what I perceive to be worth the time.  Again, not that of just anything, but of things of this nature; harmful. Let it go, move on, simply stop. It can be that easy. It is that easy, if you want it to be. If you choose it to be. Maybe easy isn’t the word. But, if not easy, able; always able. Let it be difficult if you must, “If it’s endurable, then endure it”; accept its confront, but remember, you’re able; always able.

Choose not to be compared — and you won’t feel compared. Don’t feel compared — and you haven’t been…

Choose not to be doubted — and you won’t feel doubted. Don’t feel doubted — and you haven’t been…

Choose not to be confused — and you won’t feel confused. Don’t feel confused — and you haven’t been…

Choose not to be hated — and you won’t feel hated. Don’t feel hated — and you haven’t been…

“Choose not to be harmed — and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed — and you haven’t been.” – Marcus Aurelius

But I do — than you will. And if I don’t? — than you won’t. Choice always remains. You’re able; always able.

And in closing, all I want to do in this life, and I assume for many the same, is love. Love what I do, love who I am with, love where I am, and love where I am going — than you will — if you choose to. And this choice? Remember, to each their own.

Remember, you must die.

Death; oh, how it has flooded my mind lately. More appropriately, the thought alone has consumed my attention, stood defiantly in place against my hesitant rebuttal, and toiled with my attempted understanding of its ominous position. However, with this, and with recent encounter of its inevitability and its swiftness, death’s ever lingering presence has also brought about a sense of compartmentalization, towards how I divide the allotment of my time, who I decide to allow my being, and what I deem as worthy within and of my life.

Death has a funny, and yet a not so comical way of bringing back to the moment reality. We all will die, yes, there is no changing this. Despite our various efforts towards a guaranteed life of longevity, no matter how cautious or how tame we live out our days, they are numbered, and they remain, with unyielding persistence, in tally; destination and departure unknown. With this… memento mori.

Derived from Latin origin, memento mori, when translated to our modern form of the English language, reminds us bluntly, ‘Remember you must die’. In reference to the piece pictured above, from a perspective more poetically crafted, ‘Vanité’, master pieced by 17th Century French painter Philippe de Champaigne, displays through detailed expression the thin line of existence in which we abide. The tulip (life), the skull (death), and the hourglass (time); life, our current experience, remaining in constant shadow of death, which we may encounter at any moment. The only guarantee between the triad conveyed at median; death.

There is no guarantee of a life, even less, if possible, no assurance of time. We aren’t promised a single breath, no law of nature ensuring us an abundance, or even a presence, of either element. So why are we so wasteful of it? Why do we engage with such petty occurrences and tasks? Why do we allow our lives to be consumed with such oblivion, with negligence towards its fragility? There remains a thin line between our existence and our demise, yet, we act as if the former is forever. Again… memento mori.

As mentioned, I recently encountered death, not my life, but a loved one, and as I write this, with mind lost in consumption of its very nature, I find it, with slight grief, irresponsible and selfish of myself to only be aware of it now, in light only because of our latest confront. A loved one, so dear and close to my heart, to my being, to my life, almost taken away, by a true evil of this world, one which affects us all, directly and indirectly; addiction. Stolen it felt, robbed, if even only for a moment, with monstrous lack of care or of concern for all involved, for death does not carry with it a sense of compassion or refrain, only a duty, a duty to take, always too soon it feels, for death doesn’t, it only does.

How arrogant it feels though, how wrong and self-loathed it seems to allow the tribulation of another the right to provide you with any sense of pain, or for that matter, of thanks; he experienced this inevitably, you merely observed, for now. You have no mind even to what it truly entails, to what he truly experienced. Is there pain? Perhaps a release? How intense the struggle? Do we succumb with ease? Or, maybe, just nothing.

Enough, these thoughts, they’re needed, these feelings too, and it’s okay, life tends to provide the test first and the lesson later, death staying true to this form. Meditate on this however, understand what this is, this feeling, this experience, this will happen again, to you even, to another so dear, sooner or later, but no matter, for it will happen again, no matter.

But oh how it hurts when you are so near it, how odd and unsure the moment it provides, how abrupt it impedes everything, stops us on our path and challenges us to accept, for with death there is no other way, no alternative route, so accept. Death ceases life, but life itself does not cease, and that is the hardest truth to accept. Beyond you is more, beyond our loved ones, beyond this moment, the same, but no matter, nor you or I will be a part of that, we are only a part of this, right now, so the future, no matter, only now.

So than, what to take from this? Death is always there, here rather, around you and I, always, right now. You are already dead, your life already destined to end, finale inscripted, you just don’t know it yet, you don’t truly know it, and by the time you’re allowed to, you’re gone, too late.

So than, what to take from this? Live, live now, before it is too late, do not fear death, rather accept it, embrace its forthcoming with repose, for… ”nobody dies before his time comes, so I am calm. I know I am going to die, I just don’t know when.”

Thankfully, with deep gratefulness of fate and of circumstance, he is still here with us, still able to converse, still given time to express ideas and to share perspectives, to create and to learn, still capable of life and of love and of all that comes with it. We all are, remember this, you the same if you are reading this now.

However, this experience, as gratuitous its perceived purpose at the time, excavated from within me, from depths of inactive essence, from thoughts of idle action, an awakening and a forging of a practice, one towards understanding and of gratuity, towards acceptance and of regard, for this life, for death to come, and for the sustain of this moment… “thankful, for it is not ours to own, only to borrow. Death will come, know this, use this.”

You may be sitting there, reading this, believing it to be a rather pessimistic piece, but I would argue against this innate impulse of thought. Allow this idea, or truth rather, to bring about a vigor for this life, for this moment. Again we all will die, yes, but now, right now, truly be grateful to be alive, I beg you.

Wherever you are, right now, reading this, look up from your screen, now around you, and find the beauty of this moment, better yet, bring beauty to this moment. Take a deep breath, come back to your being, feel the world and its nature around you, understand the best you can with acquiescence the common fate of us all, and be grateful and amazed to be a part of it. You will die, yes, no matter, but for now you must live.

From this moment on, in our constant face with death, to reference the always pertinent Stoic philosophy, to quote Marcus Aurelius, “…think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breatheto thinkto enjoy,to love.”

And with this, memento mori.

Move On And Let It Be

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be…

When you find yourself in times of trouble, whoever or whatever Mary may be to you and your natural incline, let the guidance of your own directing mind lead you; nothing more. Listen to your internal words of wisdom, be selective from which you hear external of this, move on and let it be.

And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be…

In your hour of darkness, or moment, or second, or however present it’s duration, allow the internal to stare you down as you stare back, never wavering nor allowing oneself to turn away in guilt, or in shame, or in doubt; strong and steady stare back, accept this, allow it, embrace it, become it if you dare, then, move on and let it be.

And when the broken-hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer
Let it be…

And when the broken-hearted people, or those broken by disagreement or by disgrace of their own nature, living in this world agree to begin accepting first themselves and second their brother’s and sister’s, there will appear an answer. Once acknowledged, once accepted, once felt and embraced, no more doubt of this, no more hate of this, no more refraining from this, move on and let it be.

For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer
Let it be…

For though they may be parted, at this moment of opportune, which is every moment we are given if we understand it’s potential, there will forever remain a chance that they will see. Allow others their rightful time to become aware, in due time, in accordance with their own nature, in timing of their own experience and choice. There will always be an answer, move on and let it be.

And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow
Let it be…

And when the night is cloudy, and the opportune moment seems to have passed, understand, or rather truly see, that there is still a light shining down on me, on you, on him or her, on us all, and it will shine whether we accept it or not, always there will remain an answer, on until tomorrow and of tomorrow of that, move on and let it be.

I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be…

Waking up to the sound of music, whatever that melody of serenity is to you, the Mary of your choosing and of your nature will come to you, there is no right or wrong here so do not worry, once again, speaking, some moments with a subtle whisper and others with roaring demand, words of wisdom for you. Listen, accept, or not, it’s up to you, if not now, maybe later, but, no matter your choice, move on and let it be.

There will be an answer
Let it be

There will always be an answer, but that is for you to see, move on and let it be.

 

Infinite Jest

How did you come across the book?

I actually heard of the writer himself first from a friend of mine. He recommended to me a commencement speech from the same author called ‘This is Water’, and after reading that I decided to look at a couple of his fictional works because I prefer fiction over nonfiction. So, I read his first novel, which was ‘The Broom of the System‘, and umm… because I kind of liked his style I decided to go on to this one because it’s known as his magnum opus, and so… a lot of people sing high praises for it, but a lot of people also kind of criticize it for being so lengthy and just kind of like rambling, but I think that it will be an interesting read.

So far, what perspective have you gained from this book?

I mean the thing is… more than a perspective from the book… like from the information from within the book, I think it’s teaching me something about being a reader, and I think it’s… it’s making me realize just how, I guess… how much more I have to read, or how much more I have to experience through reading itself, because… it’s like I’m reading the book, and I’m like going right to the dictionary because I’m like, “Oh, I don’t know what this means, I don’t know what this means!”, I think that just… it’s also kind of… it’s kind of really an awe-inspiring feeling knowing that there are so many writers that are just so talented. I’m actually majoring in English so I… I’m like… perhaps looking forward to publishing something in the future, but just knowing that there are geniuses out there who can use diction so freely… and such complex symbols or analogies with… ease… it just… it really humbles the reader. So, it’s teaching me a lot about just how much work I have left to do.

Would you recommend it, and if so, to who and why?

Umm… I think… so, I did say that I read a previous book of his, ‘The Broom of the System‘, but I also read a series of his essays… just really recently; it’s called ‘A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again‘. What I’ve heard from people is that… because this is quite a lengthy book, unless you’re really invested, or unless you’re really curious about the author or the book itself, I think that you’ll find it really difficult to continue reading it, because I find myself sometimes struggling through a page but I’m just like, “OK, I know what to expect from the writer”, because of his previous writings, so I’m kind of looking forward to it no matter how lengthy it is. So, I think if someone were to get into this writer, I would recommend his essays first… and then I would recommend maybe reading ‘Infinite Jest‘.

How To Spend Our Lives: In The Moments, Of Course.

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. - Annie Dillard Click To Tweet

Are you there yet? Are you where you want to be? Or, better yet, are you where you believe you should be? Are you doing whatever it is you would like to do? With whom you intended to do it with? No? Well, perhaps then it is now that we change the way we view our experience here before our uncertain lot of time chooses to depart from us.

For years — and I would wager for many the same — I had been working towards a destination, an end point, a place that I felt I needed to reach before I could fully enjoy this life. I was wrong and I am here now to share with you why. If I had not stumbled upon the commencement quote of this piece, who knows how much longer I were to have fallen for the promise of tomorrow without ever having realized the offering of today; more appropriately, the offering of now. Please, before moving on any further into this read, do your best to comprehend and to truly welcome into this moment the power and the defiance of this quote’s meaning, in alliance with its subtle plea:

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. Click To Tweet

There is no place of reach, not one destination that will provide any of us with our ideal environment nor peace of mind to feel and to do and to create, to live rather, however it is we would like to. Along with this, there is no other time but now to realize that the actions we take at this very moment, the priorities that we set for our current engagement, the tasks that we deem as worthy of our attention at this junction of time and of opportunity, and the people that we surround ourselves with this instant, either by nearest allocation or of distant admiration, do in fact provide the context of our lives; the context contained in the raw sensations of now rather then of later. In complete accordance with this, waiting for certain things to come to fruition, or for certain events to occur, we must realize that we do not have choice, for they currently are not and they may never be, and that is OK. This is not to take away the importance of future, for the acts of planning, of envisioning and of progressing still serve as healthy exercises, as long as we remain indifferent to their presence and engaged in the moment we are given. Instead, what’s important to understand is exactly what this quote is telling us:

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. Click To Tweet

Our lives are now. They are not tomorrow and they are no longer yesterday. So, whatever it is we aspire to, however it is we would like to spend our days, wherever it is we would like for this occur, and whomever it is we would like for it to be surrounded by, realize your life is only now, and now is the only time it can happen. A string of consciously engaged moments make a life, not a longing for our tomorrows, or a holding onto of our yesterdays. But, of equal to or of greater importance to understand along with this is that you are not the only one this moment encapsulates. We all have a now and they may not always match; not in wants, not in needs, not in location, not in ideals, and not in other countless facets of our instant; accept this and carry on. This moment is more precious than you think, so this indifference should not take us away from ours. It should only provide us with greater opportunity towards becoming more attuned with ourselves in the time we are allotted, in which case we can learn to appreciate and to be more grateful for our contemporary. Therefore, right now, let us all remind ourselves:

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. Click To Tweet

Live accordingly.

**Updated 8/1/2017**

At this very moment, while going back and reading underlined content from my most recent completed read, ‘The Stress of Life’ by Hans Selye, M.D., I came across a vigorously highlighted section which further supports the needed and demanded attention from us all for this moment, the one right now, the one you are choosing to use to read this, and the subsequent moments we may be granted; enjoy:

So many people work hard and intelligently for some immediate objective which promises leisure to enjoy life tomorrow; but tomorrow never becomes today. There is always another objective which promises even more leisure in exchange for just a little more work. Hence, very few people in the usual walks of life retain the ability to really enjoy themselves: that wonderful gift which they all possessed as children. But it hurts to be conscious of this defect, so adults dope themselves with more work (or other things) to divert attention from their loss. Some people nowadays even speak of “workaholism” for the behavior of those who work merely as a means of escape from a life which became stale.

The inspired painter, poet, composer, astronomer, or biologist never grows up in this respect; he does not tend to get the feeling of aimlessly drifting, no matter how poor or old he may be. He retains the childlike ability to enjoy the impractical by-products of his activity. Pleasures are always impractical, they can lead us to no reward. They are the reward. It is common place to say that money is no ultimate aim, but few people seem to live as though they understood this. The labors of the artist who succeeds in expressing some hidden aspect of his soul in painting, or of the physician who learns how a hitherto inexplicable disease develops, may have practical advantages for him — benefits which can be expressed in dollars — but this is not the kind of reward that can make his life a real success. The great financier must also seek his final compensation elsewhere. To find it he must stop worrying about the success of his enterprises, at least long enough to think of his own success. He must first find a way of life which can assure him the equanimity necessary for enjoyment, and then he must learn to distinguish between what can give him pleasure and what are only means to buy pleasure.

The most acquisitive person is so busy reinvesting that he never learns how to cash in. “Realistic people” who pursue “practical aims” are rarely as realistic and practical, in the long run of life, as the dreamers who pursue only their dreams.

Again, live accordingly.

 



For other perspectives on our moment, pair this reading with What is a Prospector? , Janis Joplin on the Urgency for Love, and Neil Young on one’s Fervent, Unyielding Search for the Fabled ‘Heart of Gold’.

Aristotle’s ‘Nicomachean Ethics’

How did you come across the book?

It was a book that has been on my list because I’m really interested in Stoic Philosophy; I really like reading Plato and Aristotle and all that… and so I hadn’t read this one… and so I put it on the list!

So far, what perspective have you gained from this book?

Oh… that’s a tough one! A lot of… you know… practical ideas about the human condition are spoken about in this book and it’s really… well, one of the interesting perspectives is how universal it is, after thousands and thousands of years! You can pick up this book and realize, Wow! Things haven't really changed in the human psyche all that much! Click To TweetSo, that’s been my main take away and kind of using some of these lessons and concepts to inform my own life.

Would you recommend it, and if so, to who and why?

Oh… that’s a tough question… another one! These are good! Umm… I would recommend it if you’re looking into thinking deep and thinking about society… thinking about people… thinking about yourself… and examining it in a different lens, and kind of questioning the world around you. So, that’s who’d I recommend it to… anyone who’s looking for answers… or looking to ask more questions!

 

Under Milk Wood

How did you come across the book?

Well, it was written as sort of a poetic radio play by Dylan Thomas. Strangely enough it was first performed here in New York City in 1953. He was Welch but, uh… he occasionally came here and he lived here… in fact, he was a terrible alcoholic and he drank himself to death here. There’s a famous pub up in, uh… near the Meat Packing District where he would frequent. Well, anyways, I’ve known about it for many years and I think I probably heard it on the radio when I was a small… young, boy. And I haven’t really read it for a long, long time. So, as I was in the pub the other week I thought, “hmm… I’ll get a copy of ‘Under Milk Wood‘ and read it.

So far, what perspective have you gained from this book?

It’s really about the kind of individuality and eccentricity of people… and how that should be just love and admired, regardless of any kind of moral judgement. So it’s… it’s pretty amazing; it’s a great read.

Would you recommend it, and if so, to who and why?

Well, funny… I would recommend it to anyone, but… my daughter lives here in New York and she’s not a great reader, so first thing I’m going to say to her when she gets home is, apart from reading Raymond Calvel, which I’ve also given her… she must read this. She’s 32 and she’s not been a great reader of fiction… which is her loss so far.

What is a Prospector?

What is a prospector? It’s someone who believes it’s out there; who wakes up every morning, again, and again, and again… and again… believing it’s out there. And then it’s not. Right? It’s not. And he’s standing on the edge of the desert, staring a new days sunrise right in the eye, and he hears that little voice, and that little voice says this… “go ahead… keep walking”. And the sun gets higher and higher, and it’s shining down on him, and it’s really hot, and he doesn’t have any water to drink, and everybody that came with him wants to turn back, and eventually they do turn back… and there he is… and he’s all alone, with the belief that it’s out there. That's a prospector. Click To Tweet

We are all prospectors, ones of our own taking. Our experience, one we have coined as life, entails day after day prospecting; for meanings from our past, for context from our current, and for potential from our future, though the median should be of our only concern. We all have our own visions for what it is we want out of this life, and our own reasons to justify those visions, this serving as a force to live. However, when we catch ourselves falling for illusory prospection, both of the worn and of the uncharted trek, for something outside of our own unique truth, there inly reason for concern, reason for redirection back to our original basis of prospect. It is in these moments of realization that we must turn back to our truth, to our core, to our self, beginning again in pursuit towards a deeper understanding of our own existence, towards becoming more conscious of our own being.

Whereas a prospector by profession canvases the land for areas of opportunity for the excavation of earth’s internal trove, a prospector of life surveys the moments, for the creation and the validation of ones internal vision; again, their vision for their purpose of this life. In this I am not speaking about ones ideal profession nor their moment-to-moment plan of how they will live out their days. Instead, I myself in search, want to learn more and express upon further the fathomless, internal depths of our collective and individual existence; our morals, our beliefs, our values and our motives. It’s easy to think, less so challenging to convince ourselves, that we are all motivated the same, driven by the same promises, chasing the same outcomes, and doing so by the same means; but, we all innately know this to be false, though we may sometimes catch ourselves a part of it. Dependent upon many factors this life exposes us to, be them cultural, spiritual, natural or synthetic, experiences we encounter, our derived meaning from those experiences, and our choices of decision leads us, whether woke to this or not, towards the creation and the living out of our own unique truth. You have one, I have one, we all have one, but even I will admit that sounds limiting; bear with me.

“All we had to do was look. Open our eyes. The gold was wrong, the find too good. Why did no one look? Cause no one wanted to know. We all wanted to believe. Why? It’s been going on for centuries. We all want to believe….”

How many times have we found ourselves in pursuit of the inauthentic? Not due to the pursuits lack of authenticity, for any chase can mean something to one and nothing to another, but due to the routes direction away from our individual align. How many times have we caught ourselves believing that this end, or this ownership or attachment, that this find, will provide us with the feel and the experience we desire? This is not to say that goals achieved nor projects completed fail to bring about a sense of accomplishment or fulfillment, because they do, or rather they can, if these efforts truly matter to us and are extracted from our deepest truth. But, that’s where we can easily become lost, and where most of our feelings of worry and dislocation stem from. We all want to believe that there is a map we can follow, one that will deliver us to our find, and once there, that that find will provide us with our happiness and with our joy. Why do we believe this? Because we want to. Click To Tweet We want to believe that it’s easy, that it’s set in stone, that it’s out there waiting for us. Why won’t it be? Because we didn’t look. Instead we have chosen to be fooled by false pursuit before ever opening up in vulnerability to ourselves. Rather than digging deep and finding what candidly aligns with our truth, we drifted, took someones else’s path, found it to be false and started again, only to find this method of search poor in its lead towards ourselves, for the only way to find ones self is to look; to look inside and to be honest with and courageous in the face of our own truth. What is it for you?

“… Don’t let me die out here for nothing…”

Are these detours detrimental to our truth? I would argue not, for I believe they, dependent upon our view of them, facilitate potential for deeper understanding of ourselves with opportune for gain of traction back towards our path; in many respects, they are needed. However, where these detours can turn into derailments occurs in the continuous decisive moments to ignore ones self, falling for the “what should be’s” and ignoring the “what is”. It’s important to understand that this perspective is not based on situation nor circumstance, but instead focused on the individual and their internal being; please do not confuse this with “I am who I am, so I am”, but rather…I am who I am, because I do. Click To Tweet I am who I am, because I do. Who we are, what we envision, what we pursue, and what carries meaning for us is found in action, whether by means of force or with a yielding passivity unique to our own reasons, for both can be considered action when meaning of decision is understood. However, be careful what you pursue.

“… I never cared about the money; I cared about the gold…”

Figuratively speaking, but with examples of warranted existence in our lives, money in the aforementioned quote can be viewed as the collectives declared possession worthy of pursuit, whereas gold in this light represents our own unique individual formation of something innate to our selves and righteous in our exploring. Whereas the striving for and attaining of what the majority views as the all encompassing acquisition may lead to moments of external reward and abundance, this same path orients us into position for the destruction of our truth and the disunification of our being; again, be careful what you pursue.

There is no map, there is no guide, and seldom is there actionable and decisive aid, that is unless the route declared is constructed in your own design; in which case, markers towards your find will begin to appear. Still however, remain mindful of your truth. In the same tone, we should not respond to this with feelings of overwhelm, but rather a sense of vigor towards our advantageous turn of now; the prospection of what we as individuals deem worthy of our beings. I will not attempt to provide any relevant succor, for it wouldn’t serve in its intend and I truthfully would not know what to impart. However, there is a truth I believe we all know, but far too often neglect; that our gold is found in the authentic, in the loyal and in the willing, in the connection, in the love and in the appreciation, in the struggle, in the trying and in the failing, in the work, and in the overcoming, all of which are unique in light towards our individual align and towards the earned fruition of our vision. So, why not choose towards the aim of your gold, whatever that is for you? Family, friendship, love, a career, a state-of-mind, a location, health, wealth, some sort of creative endeavor, a cause, a movement, all of the above, etc. The choice is yours, the moment for your avail. And in the end? Good luck! Your area for prospecting is ready for your taking. As we’ve all heard before; Fortune tends to favor the bold. So be bold. Be clear however of what that fortune is to you. Click To Tweet

Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage

How did you come across the book?

In a thrift shop, I saw it and I thought… well my boyfriend likes this writer so I thought, “OK, this looks like a present for him.” But now, I started it myself!

So far, what perspective have you gained from this book?

Well… I’ve found interesting this writer; he’s really detailed, you know, with all of the personalities. I don’t know… I think… Maybe there just are so many different people... you know... we all have a life. Click To Tweet

Would you recommend it, and if so, to who and why?

Yeah… I would! I’ve read things before from this writer and… it’s fiction most of the time but still it’s so close to reality… and I think it’s like… I don’t know, it’s… I would recommend it to… hmm… people who are interested in things of the world!

Neil Young on one’s Fervent, Unyielding Search for the Fabled ‘Heart of Gold’

I want to live,
I want to give
I’ve been a miner for a heart of gold.
It’s these expressions
I never give
That keep me searching for a heart of gold.

With an air of melancholy surrounding his tones entirety, Neil Young momentarily encapsulates the enduring travail of ones search for a treasure in its purest form, a search fed and deceived by the minds’ susceptibility towards yearn. In one of his many depictions of love, Neil Young’s ‘Heart of Gold’ both recites and reflects on a life lived in pursuit of the undiscovered, a token of fabled purity of the song’s naming; a heart of gold. Laboring away in search, expressions of love remain withheld, repressed and hoarded in hope for eventual outlet in the finding of a heart deserved. However, the search remains and time awaits no one: And I'm getting old. Keep me searching for a heart of gold. And I'm getting old. Click To Tweet

I’ve been to Hollywood
I’ve been to Redwood
I crossed the ocean for a heart of gold.
I’ve been in my mind,
It’s such a fine line
That keeps me searching for a heart of gold.

This pursuit has no barriers and chooses to forage rather then to remain idle, impatient and reluctant to receive, instead anxious to find and claim. Our world is vast in sense of its physical traits and in the sense of our human spirit, sub rosa of course to ones selected expressionism. Where one can travel in search for this treasure within the confines of our physical world, the same can be done in the mind with far less restraint and with far more expanse, dependent upon ones perceived attributes towards a heart of this taking and the extent to which their creative imagination can concoct it into reality; unfortunately, a reality only of the mind. There remains a fine line between what we want and what we need, what we envision and what truly exists, more so in the realm of love than in any other facet of our experience. However, obsessed and unyielding with our preconceived notions of this treasure, the search remains and time continues to await no one: And I'm getting old. Keep me searching for a heart of gold. And I'm getting old. Click To Tweet

Keep me searching for a heart of gold.
You keep me searching and I’m growing old.
Keep me searching for a heart of gold
I’ve been a miner for a heart of gold.

Resisting the need for acknowledgement of truth, one continues ones hunt, weathered by the journeys lacking return of invested sacrifice, but unwavering to the minds promise of loves holy grail. Keep searching one does, willingly ignoring the love which exists already, bypassing the current gleam of believed to be lesser-in-value treasures for the mining of a longed for, more precious in mind metal worthy of appreciating. Keep mining one does, discarding the nickels, the coppers, the silvers, the still worthy but devalued by the majority’s incognizant appraise, for the one believed to contain what we want, what we need, what we so wholeheartedly convince ourselves will finally be enough. But… the search continues and time, staying true to form, awaits no one: And I'm getting old. Keep me searching for a heart of gold. And I'm getting old. Click To Tweet

Simply put, a heart of gold does not exist. So easy it is to convenience ourselves that it does, choosing to remain in quest for someone we believe is worthy of our love and who will return that love with the same intensity and style. Remaining delusional to this understanding, we fall for the fairy-tale that someone, somewhere will be exactly what our heart desires, unfortunately turning the search into an outward aim towards someone-else, somewhere-else, ignoring our current love and it’s opportunity for deeper experience which already exists in our lives; a scenario more true now in our world of perceived to be endless options.

Carelessly, we remain in search. Why? Because we have not yet found our heart of gold. Mining wherever we find solace, exposing ourselves to other precious metals, though not of gold, tarnished due to their laxity against the elements, beautiful all the more so given their unique mar, the search continues, the journey thus far overlooked. Why settle for the less valuable while the gold is still out there? Someone-else, somewhere-else, we tell ourselves; that’s why.

We picture this heart of gold waiting for us, wanting to be found as much as our desire to find it, sitting there, only to gleam in response to our presence alone. But, haven’t other metals gleamed before in our presence? This may be true, but not like gold, we convince ourselves, though we have yet to see it.

Neglecting the other metals, we subsequently have chosen to neglect an abundance of affection on the journey, in search for something which does not exist, never truly giving chance to experiencing enduring love. Even if we were to ever find a heart of gold, meaning some attributes align with our version of this, we would find that it is not perfect, for nothing in this life is. Like the other metals, it would be worn, it would be tarnished, and it would carry with it its own unique imperfections, from the beginning never truly possessing the capability of living up to ones expectations of what it should be.

In choosing to search for perfection in love, we have chosen also to not love, for the search will deprive us of the energy needed towards the fostering and growing of what we instead have chosen to neglect. Understanding that a heart of gold does not exist, we can begin to find beauty derived from love in the gleaming of other treasures. Refocusing our outward search for myth inward… ...towards a love contained in the raw sensations of now... Click To Tweet …perhaps we can experience and grow along with a love worthy and treasured in its purest form; an imperfect binding of imperfect beings, tarnished, worn and marred, but acknowledged and appreciated.

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For other beautifully crafted perspectives on love, pair this with Van Morrison on Love and its Dynamic Journey and Janis Joplin on the Urgency for Love.